Upon reflection of my current state of mind that is neither New York or Missouri

People are disappointing.

There, I said it.

Take it from me; a very privileged, middle-class, full-ride scholarship, talented, beautiful, promising, young American woman. People are disappointing....

We, as humans, let others define who we are, how we feel, and what we do,
but when those "others" disappoint, where do we turn? In whom can we trust?

I have found lately that the only One I can fully trust is God.
He is the only person who will listen to you at that very moment, knows exactly when to respond, and somehow, in the end, will bring such joy to your life that you end up forgetting those disappointing things. Perhaps I’ve already used that word too much? Here are some synonyms:

Poor
Below-par
Unsatisfactory
Substandard
Unacceptable
Second-rate
Not up to scratch
Inadequate

…and those are just the words provided by my application software. Regardless of what word you decide on, the emotion is still the same. You are always left wanting.

Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz, mentions in his book Searching For God Knows What that we as a world have been left wanting since that first apple was devoured. This I can believe is true. Even as babies we seem dissatisfied with leaving the womb. Imagine for a moment that up until then, your soul was part of heaven and you had to come down to live with these dolts of a human race; with their inadequate bodies, substandard morals, poor spirits, and inadequate ideas. Makes me think back to those Baby Genius movies.

What's the worse part? You become a disappointment to yourself.

I guess I could give you a few examples:

You are attracted someone special, and realize that they do not, in fact, want or wish to return those feelings. It’s a bitter season. Words come out of your mouth that you would have never dreamed of saying before. You soon realize their faults, and every tiny screw up makes you dislike them to no end. Jealousy and heartache rule your life. Not only are they a disappointment to you, but you’ve become a disappointment to yourself.

Unrequited love stings.

Say you have a wonderful trip planned for the summer. You have studied the culture, the people, the language, and have even hosted parties entertaining the local cuisine. Then, the rug is pulled out from under your feet. Flights get cancelled, trips are postponed to the point that you can no longer attend, your job somehow changed your vacation times. You are either left standing amongst the ruins of your fantasy vacation or lying on the ground wondering what happened, and who exactly is responsible for sabotaging your blessed voyage.

You can’t always get what you want.

Ordering new appliances can be like asking a cat for a back scratch. My mother and father had been using the same washer and dryer for over 15 years before they decided to buy replacements. Apparently, everyone else in town made the decision to become new appliance owners, too. It's been two months since they placed their order, unfortunately, and since then my blessing of a grandmother has taken to doing the laundry. Consumerism disappoints.

Perhaps disappointing times have bestowed themselves upon you and you desperately need someone to talk to. So, you call/text/hit them up for a chat and say (untruthfully) that your feelings will not be hurt if they say “no”.

Well, you know the rest....

You buy a book people say you will love. It bores you to death.

Your favorite TV show is on, but it's a rerun.

It's time to get a soda pop from the machines downstairs and...yep, they're all out. The only thing left is expired juice and water.

Some people ask you to join a band, and you're excited to have new buddies to jam with. Only, they are all beginners, and you've been playing for years.

You've applied to two different jobs. One, your dream career, and the other a plan-B restaurant gig. And, guess what?

These examples and more are prime incidents where disappointment lingers.

But there is hope, and let me tell you: Somehow we all turn out for the better. God never gives us more than we can handle, but likes to place obstacles in our way so that we come back to Him, and...build character.

You've heard your teachers wail on and on about it for years, but character carries weight, and character weight is more muscle than fat.

According to my dictionary (the one of MacBook sorts) character is first defined as:

"the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual"

Allow me to break this down; mentally, are all affected by what goes on around us and what we think of those happenings. Morally, we make decisions and act upon those thoughts and gut feelings. And here comes an amazing section "qualities distinctive to an individual".

The crying, angry, helpless puddles we are after all is said and done eventually rise up to be better people. Even more, people who are better and different. All of our struggles are unique and help to shape our lives and selves into the people we are today. Who you are at this very moment will be a mere, warm phantom come next week. Things will happen, change, stir us up and what naturally happens then? We share.

If there’s anything I’ve taken from the many disappointments in my life, it’s that there are better things out there waiting to satisfy our souls. And I’m not just talking about Heaven, though, that is the main joy to look forward to. No, I also want to include those friends who do listen and pray for you in times of need. They will encourage you and uplift your heart as they also inspire you to do the same. Included, too, are those special, enthralling adventures in life that happen unexpectedly, and the eventual appearance of someone who returns the deep love you have for them. I cannot say much about consumerism and the corporate world. I’m sure when your late or back-ordered item arrives, it will be a day of relief, but it’s difficult to face a world where things break so easily, and demand immediately that all people should never intend to completely fix problems, but openly agree that none of our wildest dreams can be met with money or any blood other than Jesus'.

If you found this blog substandard, please realize that I am human, and it is essentially in our fallen nature to disappoint.

There are so many more words,
Candice Rose
@madpoetry